Scrap Your New Year’s Resolutions and Do This Instead

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.

No more New Year's resolutions

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that I blog about this each year at this time. I don’t set resolutions because they put me in a mindset of struggle and hardship and they rarely work. At the Intentions Event that I’ve been leading in Silicon Valley for 16 years, we do an inspiring process as an alternative to resolutions, and it gets great results. Here it is:

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3 Things You Can Do Right Now to be More Influential

Have you tried to influence someone lately only to walk away not getting what you went in for?

I was talking about influence with a group of educational consultants last week and I was hearing the same story I’ve heard many more times than I can count: You have a specific request, the person you’re influencing can’t or won’t honor that request, and you walk away frustrated and with nothing.

It doesn’t have to be that way. If this has happened to you recently, there are three things you can do right now as an influencer that will significantly increase your rate of success. All it takes is a little bit of planning – either in your head or on paper.  (more…)

What’s the Big Deal About Meditation?

Over 1000 studies on meditation have shown its positive physical and mental effects and its profound impact on attitude and behavior. Countless articles, blog posts, and books extoll the virtues of what up to 20 minutes of meditation per day can do for us. Will meditation calm frazzled nerves, keep us cool and composed when the going gets tough, give us sharper concentration, make us better listeners, and possibly improve our health and overall well-being? In a word, yes.

meditation and leadership

So Why Don’t We Do It? 

Here are four reasons. (more…)

Managing a High Performer Who Has Some Bad Habits

Have you ever managed, or are you now managing, a stellar performer who has a couple of bad habits?

Giving feedback to high performers

Here’s how one leader described one of her direct reports to me in a conversation this week: “In terms of his knowledge base and the execution of his work, he’s a 10, but he’s been getting on the nerves of a couple of important peers, and it’s becoming a problem. If he does this again, he could blow apart the project our team is about to deliver on.”

This leader, a VP whom I’ll call Tanya, had just found out her high-performing direct report, Kai, a senior director, had recently irked an important peer — a peer who was integral to the execution of their current project. This information came in addition to two complaints about him she got from two of her own other direct reports within the past month.

If you’ve ever faced this kind of situation with someone you manage, or if you are right now, then the advice below is for you.  (more…)

Avoid These 2 Mistakes When Frustrated at Work

I was at a conference earlier this month and overheard an up-and-coming engineer complaining about his recent transfer to a new boss to a few company friends. He probably had good reason to feel frustrated: A recent department re-org had him now reporting to a former peer, and by his account that former peer wasn’t qualified to be his superior.

frustrated at work

But in complaining, he was making 2 mistakes simultaneously. First, he was in a public forum, not knowing who was within earshot who might know (and then report back to) his boss. Second, his audience was a cohort of friends from his current company.  (more…)

How to Delegate the Right Work to the Right People

In my previous post I talked about 9 things that stop managers from delegating and also discussed the negative effects of holding onto work that should be delegated. In this post I give managers a set of tools so you can successfully let go of control and delegate in a way that works for you.

delegating skills for managers

Full disclosure: There is an up-front time investment. If you want to delegate and you want to do it well, set aside an hour or possibly two to use these tools. Given the time challenges most of us have, it might feel impossible to set aside time to figure out how to delegate. But when you learn to delegate and delegate well, you’ll be freeing up a lot more time in your schedule.

1. Inventory Your Activities

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9 Things That Stop Managers from Delegating

As leaders and managers, we know we need to be delegating work, but it’s not always easy to let go.

delegating at work

It seems it’s merely a question of deciding what needs to be passed on and then handing the work off. But a lot of managers and leaders have difficulty knowing exactly what to give away and to whom to give it. Investing the time to mentor others to achieve the desired results can also be a challenge.

But the truth is, leaders cannot move ahead and succeed without delegating, and delegating well.

Do Any of These Apply to You?

Here are nine reasons managers don’t delegate, or don’t delegate as much as they could and should: (more…)

Making a Change: The 5 Phases

I was just talking with a VP of Engineering who wants to shift his approach to interacting with his direct reports. He’s smart, he has opinions, and he’s rarely wrong in his area of expertise. But he realizes that simply telling his people what to do isn’t nearly as useful as helping them figure out for themselves the best next course of action.

And while there may be an appropriate time and place for saying, “Do xyz,” in most conversations, drawing out others’ thinking and helping them see the next best route for themselves is a better way for this leader to develop his people. But that means he has to change his behavior, and that takes some effort and concentration – at least at first.

In my previous post I discussed the brain science of behavior change, and why understanding the neuroscience helps leaders make the change process easier. In this current post I’m talking about the phases of change — because understanding these phases also makes the process easier. (more…)

Making a Change Just Got Easier

“It’s really difficult to just be quiet and listen.” Several people have contacted me about my recent post about extrovert communication mistakes, and the majority response to the post has been that it’s great advice, but it’s hard to make a change in behavior.

brain plasticity

In that post I discuss the common mistake of asking a question of someone you’re in a conversation with to get their input, but then not waiting for their answer before barreling ahead (however well meaningly) with answers of your own or even more questions. My advice in the post is to ask the question then just stay quiet and listen until the other person is finished speaking.

Behavior Change Involves Brain Change

Making such a change sounds simple, but people have been trying it and finding that it’s not coming as naturally or as easily as they wish. And I understand this feeling from personal experience, as well. Behavior changes can be difficult, awkward, and exhausting. But because there are points in our professional lives for all of us when a behavior change becomes necessary or beneficial, we find a way to do it. (more…)

Are You Making These 2 Extrovert Mistakes?

Questions are a crucial way to involve others when you’re having important conversations — whether it’s an influence conversation with a decision maker, a performance adjustment conversation with a direct report, or an informal status update chat with your manager. But there’s a wrong way to ask questions, especially for extroverts.

Communication skills for extroverts

Here are 2 common mistakes extroverts make when asking questions — and what to do instead. (more…)