A work colleague has asked you several times to take on work to help him out. It’s often hard for you to say no to requests like these — you’re an individual who likes to be of service, and you say yes. The colleague always thanks you, so you feel appreciated. As time goes on, though, the colleague is getting more and more recognized by leadership for the work that you’re significantly contributing to.
You want to remain on good terms with this person because it’s important to the overall work of the group. And while he may not be consciously using you, you still feel like he’s taking advantage of your good nature.
What to Do
Take control of the situation, and do it with kindness.
1. The next time this colleague asks for your help, calmly tell him you’ve got a full plate. He might ask you what you’re doing that’s taking up so much of your time, and you might feel required to run down the list of your workload. Don’t. This could be a ploy to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to assist. Whether or not he’s trying to make you feel guilty isn’t the issue here. Your time and being recognized for your contributions are the issues.
Be ready for this with, “Looks like you’ve got a lot going on. I do, too. Let’s go talk to the boss and see if she can move things around for both of us. That way I may be able to give you the help you’re looking for.” Assuming the colleague agrees to this, and he may not, this ensures that the boss will now know how you’re contributing, and you’ll have time to help without overloading yourself. (more…)
I quit making resolutions years ago.
New Year’s resolutions put me in a mindset of struggle and hardship and they rarely work. Here’s the inspiring process I’ve been leading people in at the annual Intentions Event in Silicon Valley for 15 years. It gets results. This is what we do instead of making resolutions: (more…)
Are you living by someone else’s values? Or are you living by your own?
Values, as we know, are what we hold as deeply important or essential in our lives. When living a life that aligns with our values, we’re likely to feel energized and fully engaged in all aspects of living.
The photograph above was taken a few days ago by my daughter while hiking in Connemara in the west of Ireland. She took a week’s trip away from her life as a writer in New York City in order to realign with her core values.
For some people, taking ourselves out of our day-to-day life helps us to “come home” to ourselves and reconnect with what’s most important.
When values are even somewhat out of alignment with the environment in which we live or work, the energy we need to feel and be at our best – physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual – might be in short supply. For example, we might be feeling anxiety, stress, boredom, resentment, a vague impression that something is missing. Or a deep longing for something we can’t quite name might prevail.
Your Life is Calling – Answer the Phone
Rarely are we asked to voice our values. If someone were to inquire, we’d probably say that we know what we value most. And we all do – at the core. (more…)
“Lean back,” the climbing guide said. On the edge of the cliff, roped and ready to begin rappelling the 500-foot drop, I was stiff as a mannequin.
“Lean back!” he said again, this time with more volume. I was still frozen. When he screamed, “GET GOING, NOW!” I started down.
Gripping the rappel line so tightly that my hands were nearly locked in place, I moved about 20 feet in what seemed like 20 minutes. My feet barely moved, almost stuck to the mountain side like magnets.
And then I simply stopped. After a few minutes of not knowing quite what to do I looked below at the descent knowing that there was no way back up. I asked myself how I wanted the next 480 feet to go. Did I want to be hesitant and resistant the entire way, or did I want something else? I realized I had a choice – make it painful or make it something else. I decided on the something else. (more…)
As I scanned the email, I felt angry. It was the bio of a colleague whom I had asked to join my team for a client project I’d been leading for the past year. My internal team was maxed and I’d agreed to an external consultant the client had worked with before.
All I needed from her was her one-page bio, formatted with three specific headings, to put in the binder with the rest of my team whose bios were similarly set up. The problem? Ten of the sentences in her bio were exactly the same as sentences in mine. (more…)
The upcoming coffee date you wish you hadn’t said yes to. The growing pile of odds and ends that you’ll do something with someday that are filling up your garage and crowding out the car/s. Or, like me, the three sizeable brush strokes of different colored paint that I looked at for almost a year on my living room wall before deciding on a color.
These are clutter and chaos – those things we put up with in ourselves, other people, or everyday situations that end up occupying a lot of mental real estate. (more…)